


Hold Me Tighter

by HeylelAndGoldenWings



Category: Dan&Phil, Phan, Phandom, youtube - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kisses, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, protective!Phil, suicidal!dan, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 06:48:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11412501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeylelAndGoldenWings/pseuds/HeylelAndGoldenWings
Summary: Dan is slowly tearing up his arms with the sharpest knife in the kitchen, and Phil just so happens to hear his sobs of pure agony.





	Hold Me Tighter

**Author's Note:**

> If you guys didn't see the trigger warning, I'm warning you again now. Major trigger warning for this one-shot. I don't want anyone hurting their self or killing their self, so I advise you to be careful.

Dan was shaking. The tall, curly-haired boy was not only shivering from the shrill cold of his room, but also from the desperation to dig the sharp edge of the knife into his soft skin. If he were being honest, it terrified him. He wasn't quite sure how he ended up here, but he remembered reading another phanfiction where he died. He read these ones quite often, and he was not at all scared to admit that fact over camera, but this time it had been different, though he couldn't explain why. All he knew was that Phil, his _best, best, best_ friend, Phil, would _never, never, never_ love him in the same way. 

So here he was. A loud sob shook his body even harder, and, _oh god_ , he prayed Phil wouldn't hear him because how could he explain this? It was best to just hurry up, he decided hesitantly. Pulling the sleeve up on his shirt -he was wearing a grey sweater- Dan positioned the knife above his wrist. _Here we go_ , he thought, and pressed the knife against his skin. He squeaked, not expecting it to hurt that much. Blood was already pouring out of the wound, and he grunted in pain, another sob racking through him. "O-ow, fuck," he cursed. Blood had splattered his sweater and he'd probably have to throw it away, but right now he couldn't bring himself to care. 

Dan repeated the action several times. The pain clouded his thoughts and finally he dropped the knife, his fingers twitching too much to hold it steadily. He collapsed on the bed, just _crying_ , praying Phil wouldn't open the door. Of course, though, why would luck be on his side? 

"Dan, are you oka-" Phil opened the door quickly, and his eyes widened as he saw the complete mess that was Daniel James Howell before him. "Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no." Phil slammed the door behind him and rushed over to Dan, crawling into the bed beside him and pulling the slightly taller boy close to him. "Oh, Daniel, sweetie, oh, no, no." 

Dan hardly even registered what was happening. He curled closer to Phil, his wails and tears not ceasing. Philip shook his head in disappointment, his eyes soft and worried. "It's okay, shh, shh. The bleeding has stopped, it's okay." Dan hardly heard him, but he relaxed a tiny bit as Phil rubbed his back. "Oh, Dan, why?"

Dan didn't answer. He buried his face into Phil's neck and sniffled. Phil sighed softly, his face filling with disappointment, worry, and fear. "Danny, Bear, we gotta get this thing off you- it's all sticky and bloody. Can you lift your arms for me, please?" Dan cocked his head in confusion before nodding, raising his arms up, allowing Phil to take the red-soaked sweater off him. "Good, that's good. Can you stand? We need to get that wrapped up." 

Dan swallowed, feeling slightly sick from the loss of blood, and wobbled onto his feet. Phil steadied him, wrapping a gentle arm around the younger's waist and leading him out the door and to the bathroom. He sat Dan softly onto the closed toilet seat, rifling through the medicine cabinet until he finally found some gauze. Phil frowned and set it on the counter. "Dan, do you think you're okay to take a shower by yourself? I want those cuts cleaned out. O-or I could help you, I don't mind." 

Dan shrugged, not fully processing the words. "I- I'm going to help you," Phil decided, his voice ringing with authority. "Stay right there, don't move a _fucking_ muscle, I'll be right back. Just gotta put that damned knife away." Dan didn't have any plans on moving, he was dizzy, and as comfortable as he could be where he was. Soon, Phil came back, grabbing Dan's arm gently, helping him up.

"You don't have to take your boxers off," Phil mumbled awkwardly. "Just your pants, okay? I'll help." The raven-haired boy helped Dan struggle out of his silky black pants, before carefully making their way to the shower. With Phil's help they got in. "Really shoulda called an ambulance, but I guess you're okay. You just need to snap out of it, Dan," Phil practically begged. He tried to seem calm, but inside he was freaking out. 

Phil helped Dan through the rest of the shower in silence. Once they were out, Phil dried them off with the towel. He gently took Dan's arm, unraveling some gauze and wrapping it tightly around the injury. Phil forced a smile when it was done. "There, all better," he joked. "You probably lost lots of blood, good to get some sugar in you," he muttered to himself, when a tiny whisper escaped the boy beside him. "What was that, Dan?" Phil asked soothingly. "Tell me, it's okay." 

A few tears slipped passed Dan's beautiful, brown, amber-speckled eyes, shaking his head wildly. "Nev-" his voice sunk too low for Phil to hear- "mind.."

"No, please tell me." Dan, stubborn as always shook his head again. "Fine, fine, want me to kiss it better?" Phil partially joked, but he kind of meant it. Dan actually nodded, very, very shyly. Phil blinked in surprise, then shrugged. His flat-mate was probably looking for any kind of comfort, and Phil wasn't going to judge or take it away from the poor boy. The older one bravely bent forward and pressed his lips carefully, oh-so-carefully, to the gauze that covered the deep cuts. 

What seemed like forever later, they were both seated in the kitchen. Dan slowly picked at some chocolate, while Phil shoveled mouthfuls of cereal into his mouth. "You feeling okay?" He asked, finally.

"Guess so," Dan bit his lip and muttered. "Could be better." Phil nodded slowly, before clicking on his phone, then clicking it off just as fast. 

"I'm pooped. Gonna head to bed." Phil stood up, approaching Dan hesitantly. "You should, too. It's been an eventful day." Dan only shrugged, taking the last bite out of his chocolate bar, and stood up on still slightly wobbly feet. Phil stared at the floor. "You could, like, you know, sleep with me tonight. For, like, uh- for like- company. Um, and so- just-"

"You want to keep an eye on me," Dan growled, dangerously quiet. "Fine, whatever. Let's go." Phil chuckled nervously and followed Dan to his room. Dan fell onto the bed and curled into a tiny ball, his breathing heavy. Phil lay beside him. 

"Dan, look at me. I wanna see your face." Dan grumbled before turning to face Phil, and, _damn_ , their faces were closer than they'd ever been, so freaking close. Dan wanted to pull away, wanted to hide under the blue and green covers, wanted to disappear, but he couldn't. He stared, mesmerized by Phil's blue-green-yellow eyes. His ocean eyes, so beautiful and pure. "It's okay, Dan. It's _okay_." It wasn't until then that Dan realized he was crying again. Phil pulled Dan to him, wrapping his arms around him, their faces still so, so close. 

And then Phil totally, fucking, lost it. "Stop crying!" he panicked. "Please, it's okay, please!" That only made Dan cry harder, which made Phil panic more, and suddenly their pink lips met feverishly. Dan was surprised, but he kissed back just as forcefully, and his tears stopped rolling. They stayed like that, kissing sinfully in the bed, until they finally remembered they had to breathe, damned fucking lungs. "Dammit, Dan, I love you, don't you dare hurt yourself again."

Dan let out a crazed laugh. "I'm so stupid." Phil just shook his head, burying his face in Dan's neck. "I cut because... I thought you'd never love me." 

Phil heaved a sigh, rubbing Dan's back very, very gently. "Oh, Bear," he whispered, pressing his lips against Dan's neck.

"A-ah, Phil, stop. 'M tired, let's kiss tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Kay." 

And so the two boys fell asleep, curled close to each other. Finally it was how it should be. They were _together at last_.


End file.
